A peek inside the soul of a soulless man Pt VI: Are you there God? It's me, Jersey

I had a conversation with God the other day. God was asking me a lot of questions about my intentions with my life. Who knew God was a dialectic conversationalist. Or maybe God is just my God and exists solely for me... or maybe God doesn't exist and I'm imagining God as I want God to be... Regardless, it was a revealing conversation for the both of us. Here's how it went down:

God: What is it that you want to be loved for?

Jersey Campbell: I don’t.

God: [I’m] Curious to see what you’d want people to appreciate about you…. Or what you will want people to appreciate you for once you embrace that quality or achievement.

JC: Nope. Don’t care… Last night they wanted me to take a bow at the end of the skit. Besides the fact that I had already begun walking off the stage I had no intentions of bowing to the crowd. I kept it moving… It’s not about me, it’s the message. I don’t want any accolades for something that should be done anyway. Basking in the glory of supposed accomplishments is not for me… I don’t care about being loved or remembered. I care about being an agent of alternatives… And I’m not sure if I’m totally down with art anyway, which is funny because that’s what we primarily deal with. We’ll figure it out though; I do think art can be a useful took in certain cases, but not all… What about you? What do you want to be loved for?

God: The type of love I’m talking about is not in terms of accolades or even the need to be loved, but more so, if one were to love you, what would you want their reason for loving you to be.

JC: Because I give them what they want, but don’t need… Answer the question… And that- whatever reason someone loves me- I still don’t care about.

God: And what things would you want to give them?

JC: What type of love are we talking about?

God: Generic… all [types] actually.

JC: That’s a silly question.

God: Is it?

JC: A little, and I can’t answer it.

God: I see.

JC: I don’t care though. People will love me for whatever reason they choose… Your turn.

God: They will… But isn’t the reason people choose to love another a true mark of what a society embraces as important?

JC: Certainly, but we don’t need to love each other, it would be nice yeah, but it’s unnecessary. If we do love each other it should be because we realize that we’re in this together and cannot get through it without one another.

God: What attributes are worth loving?

JC: Prudence, reason, rationality.

God: That’s all?

JC: There’s other stuff too but it’s less important.

God: Do you embody those three?

JC: Reason lies in the eyes of the beholder. I know you don’t like my quotespeak but it’s true.

God: It does, but the ability to reason is impartial… is it not?

JC: Of course.

God: So when you say reason is worth loving, are you speaking of the partial definition of reason or the impartial?

JC:  The impartial, Socrates.

God: So, I ask you again, do you embody those three attributes?

JC: Yes.

God: So do you think you are worth loving?

JC: No.

God: Because…

JC: As a human being? Yes. Everyone is worth loving. Myself particularly? No. I don’t even love myself… I act like I do as a joke all the time but it’s a front. My life is a satire.

God: Yet you embody qualities that you think are the most important attributes worth loving.

JC: Prudence? No. Reason and rationality? Yes. But you got me. I’m stumped. BOOM goes the contradiction.

God: And when you say you care about being an agent of alternatives you mean…

JC: Demonstrations that help people see different realities… Different paradigms that can eliminate nonsense suffering. An inclusive world with no discrimination, racism, sexism, and all that other good shit.

God: But, demonstrations… I see… But why?

JC: Because I am not satisfied with our current reality, and no one should be.

God: Unsatisfied, but content?

JC: Not at all.

God: Prove it.

JC: I’m a revolutionary at heart; I’ve given up feeling content. The struggle is between whether dedicating myself to such matters makes any sense whatsoever, which is why my life has become a satire.

God: Giving up feeling content is a paradox in itself.

JC: Haha. I am content because I’ll never be content…. Contentment comes with death… On grandma- she really would be better off at this point in her life if she was dead. #jus’sayin’.

God: So you’re demonstrations are a hoax?

JC: The woman can’t do much for herself. The house would burn down if I weren’t around. At Thanksgiving dinner we were talking about whether we would want to live to 91. The answers around the room? A resounding NO…. [in response to your question] In a way, yes. But if I didn’t have some semblance of trust in the idea I wouldn’t even be demonstrating.

God: How can you expect people to be moved by only a semblance of anything?

JC: It’s more than a semblance; and anyone totally devoted to an idea is a fanatic (look who’s talking). I’m not moving people. I point. People move.

God: Interesting.

JC: Bruce Lee said when he’s pointing to show one the beauty the moon possesses, don’t focus on his finger, focus on the moon… You writing a thesis on me?... I don’t totally believe in anything, that would be foolish. I believe in what’s right, the form doesn’t matter. Whatever ideology, philosophy- that shit don’t matter s’long as its good for us.

God: If everyone in the world was like you… Do you think the world would be a better place?

JC: Without question… Maybe I’m delusional, but I do think that’s true.

God: Because of what you think you’re capable of? Or because of what you do?

JC: Both.

God: What is it that you do?

JC: In a practical sense? No, if everyone wrote music all-day and worked for VERGE it would not be a better place…. But if everyone adopted my philosophy the world would be a better place.

God: How do you know they haven’t?

JC: Because I have two eyes.

God: How do others know you have?... Oh shit you can see thoughts? Or through the houses of other’s sitting [and] screaming GUILLLOTINNEEE and Feefin’ all day?... That’s one hell of an eyesight… Naivety is excusable, but is negligence?

JC: How am I being negligent?

God: How are you not?

JC: True.

God: You want the world to be better?

JC: Who doesn’t?

God: And it begins with the people being better.

JC: Is that a question?

God: It is now.

JC: I don’t know where it begins… I know that as long as I live I’ll dedicate myself to fucking this world up, just cause… My faith in people is very little as you know. We all say we want a better world but how many of us are willing to make the sacrifices to do so?... I’m hesitant because I tend to think people are generally self-indulgent retards, including myself. Why devote yourself to a cause that may be hopeless?

God: I see… Should I love you?

JC: I can’t make that decision.

God: Would you want to be loved by me?

JC: It is preferable… I wanna say I don’t care because I shouldn’t… Unfortunately I do… But if you didn’t I’d accept it.

God: Last question… If you believe that love was necessary… Do you think that it should be warranted, or gratuitous?

JC: If I believed… Love for others is always gratuitous.

God: Thank you.

JC: Can I see the thesis when you’re done?... Would you like to answer some of my questions?... Seeing that I have entertained yours for the past two hours… It’ll be fun.

God: Tomorrow.

JC: Why not now?... Only a few… The fuck yo… Asking me madd questions making me question my existence and shit. Can’t even return the favor… And now I’m bout to be ignored… Life is funny.

God: [I] Just want you to ponder on your responses.

JC: You don’t think I’ve thought about these things before?... 1) I’d like to know if I can see the finished paper. 2) The reasons behind asking the questions.

God: 1) The paper will never be finished… 2) Soul searching.

JC: One more. I’m putting this conversation on VW; you have no say in the matter… I’ll say I was speaking with a friend or something. Your name wont be mentioned. Not that anyone reads it anyway.

God: Lol very well.

JC: One more thing... Do you exist?

God: Maybe, maybe not, maybe fuck yourself.