Jersey Campbell interviews... NYC Robert: Pt 1

Editor's Note: There's a new feature here at VW called "Jersey Campbell Interviews..." They aren't really interviews, but conversations with specific talking points JC (he wants us to call him that now, and it's not because of his adoration for the guy from N'Sync) wants to address. They will be in written format until we figure out how to get the audio files on the website. Bear with us. One day it'll be a podcast and we'll all strain to hear his accelerated speech. Read.. and be merry. 

 

Jersey Campbell: Hello. This is the first interview in a series of interviews entitled “Jersey Campbell Interviews…”

Today we are interviewing a good friend and a fellow contributor to Vicarious World, NYC Robert.

NYC Robert: It’s about time you had me on this show Jersey. My god, what’s been taking you so long?

JC: It’s about time? This is the first one…

Rob: Let’s keep ‘em coming.

JC: Yeah. You uh, popped my cherry. Let’s get down to business. Real talk, how many women do you have?

Rob: Excuse me?

JC: How many women do you have? Right now.

Rob: Well you see I generally don’t think of women as objects… so I would say I have none.

JC: You have no women?

Rob: I have no women.

JC: Are you sure about that?

Rob: I’m 100% positive. See I would phrase it as comrades or partners.

JC: How many partners do you have?

Rob: Ah… depends. What do you want to consider a partner?

JC: You know how you interact with women, we’ve read your posts, we know your views about women. So we wanna know how many women do you talk to?

Rob: How many days are in a year?

JC: {counts in his head} 365.

Rob: That’s, that’s about right. One for every day of the year.

JC: {laughing} So you have 365 comrades, as you like to say?

Rob: Yeah.

JC: How do you juggle, how do you give each of them enough attention? ‘Cause when I talk to women they all want attention so I find it hard to believe that you can talk to 365 different women and they all be satisfied with what you give.

Rob: Most of the interactions are blossoming, fruitful attention. Some people like to think of things as long term, for instance you may meet someone and say, “I wanna wait a week [or so] before we go on a date,” or you might plan the next move and the next move. I don’t really know if I’m gonna survive to a week or two weeks; not that I live a dangerous life (I don’t) but I like to let things blossom in the moment.

JC: How many girls have you had sex with this week?

Rob: This week alone? What is today? Sunday? Well the week just started, so just one.

JC: Just one?

Rob: Yeah.

JC: How many girls did you have sex with last week?

Rob: Last week? Uh… seven.

JC: Seven?

Rob: Seven. One for every day of the week. It’s starts in the morning, you have conversation, by the afternoon you’re…

JC: Oh so it’s like when you meet them that day, later on that night she…

Rob: Yeah its the same night. It goes through phases…yeah, it’s not even like that. It’s like a cycle. So it’s like we’re talking when we meet each other by the time I get to the nighttime its like I’ve known her for at least 30 years. So it’s uncontrollable, I have to smash.

JC: {Laughs} So that’s the type of connection that you’re looking for?

Rob: What?

JC: I mean with women.

Rob: I mean, I don’t really look for it to tell you the truth it just, it happens and I meet these wonderful women, we have great conversation and before you know it they don’t wanna leave. So, there’s only one thing to do- seal the deal. I never ask for it.

JC: Do you rate these women? On a scale of 1-10, on average, what’s you’re average uh… the average [sexiness level] of the women that you interact with. On a scale of 1-10.

Rob: How does she look?

JC: Yeah.

Rob: Oh, most of these women are incredibly beautiful to tell you the truth. ‘Bout nines, I’d give some of them 9.5. There was this one girl named um, Susan… oh my god… Susan’s fairly tall, I met her about 10 days ago and…

JC: Do you still talk to her now?

Rob: No, no. The thing is its hard to keep connections with these people because everyday you meet someone else. So you go out, you meet someone, and before you know you forget about the next. Only in the midst, when you have time to relax as I am now um… it’s enjoyful.

JC: Could you possibly let me borrow some of these women that you have dumped?

Rob: Oh I don’t dump any of them. You can borrow any one of them. But I don’t like to think of them like that, they’re not my objects, I don’t own them. But if you were to have enjoyable conversation with them then yes, you’d be able to scoop.

JC: I’m not saying I have a tough time talking to bitches ‘cause… not at all

Rob: We might want to refrain from calling them bitches. These are wonderful ladies.

JC: But they’re bitches… so, I want you to tell me the best way to approach a female, in any given situation. Say I’m walking through the mall and I see a woman who I would like to talk to- how do I go about doing that.

Rob: Simple, y’know, the proper way to talk to anyone is generally addressing the. But most people have issues with that one part- the addressing phase- and I like to think of that as the greeting phase or the accommodating phase. So you look at a girl, you see her and… what is she wearing? Is she wearing a plain t-shirt or is she wearing a dress? Does she have a shirt on with words on it? You know, something that can easily stir conversation; and always complimenting what she has on vs. how she looks in those [clothes] like damn your breasts look big in that shirt or damn that ass is fat you know? Damn those are nice jeans, you don’t even have to use foul language like that you can use complimentary [words]. And when you go from there that should lead conversation and if she’s interested then what she’ll do is converse back and probably give you a compliment. And in that grace period if there’s a pause where she’s waiting for you to say something else, but if you don’t its that awkward moment and you two just part. And that’s generally the rule of thumb when you meet anyone.

JC: I’m just tryna figure out how to get her to suck my dick on the spot.

Rob: On the spot?

JC: {Eyes light up} Yeah.

Rob: Uh… well I’ve never had that happen to me ‘cause that’s not my swag but if you truly wanted a girl to have intercourse with you on the spot you’d have to seek out the right person.

JC: Like a slut, or a dirt.

Rob: Yeah you’d have to seek out a slut, or a dirt as you would say Jersey Campbell. You’d have to seek her out. And generally- I’m actually putting together a piece right now- generally you don’t want to judge a book by its cover, but if…

JC: Then how are we supposed to judge books?

Rob: Well, you know, judging a book by its cover is basically saying you see someone and…

JC: Well I might not judge it by its cover but I’ll read the first few pages and if I don’t like it I’m putting it down.

Rob: Yeah, but the ‘book by its cover’ theory basically is- just because someone is dressed like slut doesn’t mean they are. Just because someone is dressed in a suit doesn’t mean they’re a businessman or that they have a lot of money. So always try to put that at the backpause and talking to them or if you think that her attire calls for the fact that she could be fast, maybe pull out a couple dollars, have a fake BMW car key on you- just pull that out. But don’t just pull it out to draw attention to it, “hey look I drive a BMW I have a lot of money.” Just pull it out nonchalant and have it in front of her and if she picks up to that then you’ll probably be in there that same day ‘cause she’s all about the money.

JC: This approaching woman advice is not for me. I have them approach me all the time ‘cause I’m the fucking man. This is for all the people out there who have trouble with it.

That's it for part one. Check back later for the rest of the conversation.