This day is beautiful. As I sit outside and smoke my morning cigarette, I see what is around me. I see the winter bare crabapple tree and the squirrel on hind legs under the bird feeder, waiting for the cardinal to shake breakfast loose. It is cold, but the sun pins spots of warmth to my body and the gray blockade of clouds are of benevolent blasé.
I have this problem with beauty and, in the same respect, happiness. I cannot see these things as they occur. It is difficult for me to find the beauty in a moment, or happiness in the instant. I can see these moments looking back, or looking forward in anticipation, but rarely do I feel these things now.
That is not to say that I am a wholly unhappy person, who simply drudges from bland life experience to bland life experience. I have had my moments of bliss, of carnal ecstasies and obstructions overcome. But even in these times, there seem additional hurdles after the initial hurdles. Nothing ever seems quite complete, and perhaps this is simply what life is, a never-ending stretch of partial completion.
Today though, I challenge myself to see the beauty now, instead of remembering what was beautiful tomorrow. Today is beautiful. Right now is beautiful.