Tuesday, August 16, 2011

NYC Robert: Why do men cheat?

Topic: Why do men cheat.
I've thought long and hard about what would make a man cheat on his significant other. What I've concluded is that there are several possibilities, but I think the main reason is that he doesn't want to deal with all the drama. When I say that think of the 80/20 rule. That's when your significant other is really the best thing, but you two have been together for so long that you don't notice. All you notice is the arguments, complaining, and a person who just seems not do as much as you would like them to. So when the (20) comes around fun, exciting, and of course attractive you jump ship. It may be for a bang bang, or more of an emotional connection. Whatever the case you end up getting involved, you may cheat, or pursue the person.
Let's go deeper into that 80/20 rule. 

Before a relationship a man obviously sees that beautiful girl and say's to himself, "man she's beautiful." He then gets the courage to walk over and talk to her. They talk and its going well. Now In that guy's mind he doesn't think about making that girl sad, depressed, or ruining her life. He also isn't thinking about all the needs she has such as feeling safe, comforted, and needed, or like the only girl in the world. Bottom line every girl wants to feel those four things. Feeling safe can mean being financially stable especially if their are children involved. Comforted- when she's down or having a bad day she wants you to know and to be there, not out with the boys. Needed- she wants you to act as if she's the most important thing in YOUR LIFE, and in doing these things she thus can feel like the only girl in the world. Why? because you're there for her and when she sees other couples she thinks of the man she has. Or, whenever there's something wrong she know you'll be there for her. 
Now let's back track. He sees that pretty girl, goes up and talks to her, and none of what I just mentioned went through his head. So when will he find out? After all the great dates, and wonderful times spent together they finally get together. And now is when all this starts. He's been with her about two years now, and may now feel locked in. Why? because he may not have been expecting all of what I mentioned. However, she is the (80). This guy now just wants to have fun, and live life. He meets a chick who's interesting at first, but doesn't compare to what he has( He doesn't know that yet). So he probably thinks she's a good girl. Why? because they haven't bang banged and its been awhile so he thinks she's a good one, not to mention she's very interesting. What he doesn't know is that this chick may have bills out the wazoo, no education, living her with parents, and is almost thirty. He has no clue, he's blinded by her beauty, and cool tone, which is the side of her she wants him to see. To add, she may think he's cool too. She doesn't know of his life that much, especially the fact that he has a girl, so it appears cool. Obviously, this guy is in emotional cheat mode. He hasn't banged the chick, but still hangs with her and talks. Its his disguise to get away from his girl.

So why did this man do it? Is it cause his life felt overwhelmed with tending to someone else's needs. But what about him, he has needs. When are they going to get filled? In bed. HAHA(not really laughing). Sex doesn't solve everything ladies. I feel many women don't pay enough attention to the man they have because he treats them well, which then ironically results to them not being treated well.

I'd like to also add that when I say "man" I don't mean those guys who have intentions on cheating. No. those guys are just dogs. I mean the guys who don't have the intent and have clearly not seen the picture. Nonetheless, I do think in both cases it's wrong.


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  2. I'm not sure that I totally grasp this "80/20" concept very well. I assume what you're saying is that your girlfriend can satisfy 80 percent of what you need in a companion, but there is 20 percent that that women will always lack, or seem to lack. So as men we go out looking for that other 20 percent and end up getting burned in the end. Please, correct me if I'm wrong.
    If this is the case, then please explain to me what is wrong with going out and getting the other 20 percent that your significant other can't get? If she actually allowed you the freedom to explore that 20 percent, wouldn't that strengthen the relationship in the end?
    I'm going to stop here because if I continue this may go off the deep end.

  3. @Jersey Campbell. I believe it's wrong to go out and intentionally seek a 20 because it's cheating. Actual relationships shouldn't be based on other people filling a void that you feel your signficant other doesnt. If that is the case then you shouldn't be with that person. I see you mentioned if your significant other is lacking in certain areas then it should be okay. That is incorrect. Talking to your partner can strengthen a relationship, not stepping out. And how would you feel if you didn't fill that void in your partners life, but she filled yours. According to you she now has that right to step out on you and intentionally go and find a 20.
    In addition, no women would allow her man to go out and find a 20 unless she had her 20 on the side, which in a result would be a heck tick relationship. I think Jamie Foxx(Music Artist)_ made song about this at the moment I can't remeber the name, but its very popular. If you hear it actually listen to the words.

  4. @NYC ROB... it is true women dwell on being pampered and needed; and they forget that their man needs love, affection, and attention. Majority of women want a man that has an amazing resume -the checklist (good job, educated, sensitive, etc.) Women tend to be selfish and claim that their man is selfish; when they do not recognize their own behavior.

    In one of my relationships I was guilty of this. I learned my lesson when my ex told me he didn't want to be w/ because I'm too selfish.

    In my next relationship I became a new person...I was the 80 rule plus more... I was more attentive to my man's needs but that didn't stop him from cheating and lying. This relationship took an extreme toll on me it was the longest relationship I've had.

    So now I ask this question Mr. NYC Rob: What is a girl to do when she provides the 80 rule plus accommodates her man’s necessities?

    Men are going to be Men- I have went through the trial and error stage w/ men and so far there hasn’t been a genuine/sincere outcome for the male sex. I lost hope in men and as my friend Jersey Campbell would say “love doesn’t exist”.

    Men just don’t believe in the purity of a relationship. Monogamy is dead.

  5. Majority of men don't like to communicate w/ their significant other to find out what is missing in their relationship that why unnecessary break ups and divorces happen. Men have a tendency to bottle up their feelings rather than speak on them. While a female is more prone to talking about what is affecting her. Without tackling the underlining problem within a relationship when cut is fresh- it very well can led to infections and the wound to get really deep. Which by then there is no turning back and either parties hate the other. It is sad but true.

  6. @Mel*Rose you made some very good points. Your question is a good one, and can be answered easily, I think. When you began your new relationship it seems like you wanted to be Ms. Perfect by going the extra mile. But what about your bf at the time. What was his behavior like? Did he reflect the traits of a great guy, or were you trying to be so perfect that you didn't notice he wasn't that great guy. See being an 80 is great, and also wanting the relationship is a plus. But when your in it alone it's not going to work. You also mentioned that love doesn't exist, I would have to say that you are wrong. It exist, but you can't assume every guy you meet is the one for you. It's possible to be a learning experience. Taking dating, and relationships day-by-day as someone once told me can prevent you from put your self completely out there. So yes, be that 80 women however, don't assume the next guy you date is the one for you, and that you'll your going to live happily ever after.

  7. He was a great guy at first but people change... I guess when you look at it from the outside looking in, the perception of me being in it alone feeds the hunger. As for the dudes that are trial and errors... I never put my heart on my sleeve(that I learned through my brothers), I observe each man this way I don't fall for an asshole.

    As I converse w/ men I see what they look for and majority have the same mind set. Now I am not the type to stay stuck on one race. I have tried different cultures and types of men.

    Still men treat women like dorrmats and I refuse to be some random joe's doormat. I think highly of myself although like everyone else I do have a bad side ;).

    If you believe love exist then truly death should do you apart.

    If your g/f became a nympho- and fucked other men-while in a relationship w/ you and you so called love her...would still be w/ her?

  8. This is getting a little too personal for me. It would be a good idea to explore where our thoughts about relationships come from, and how we can change our behaviors so that we don't run into the same problems over and over.
    I will still contend that a woman allowing her man (or vise versa) to permit him to explore that 20 percent in other women is doing their relationship a favor. Think about all the aspects of society that we try and suppress. Sex, drugs, fornication, deceit, manipulation, to name a few. For example, a multi-billion dollar industry was born from our suppression of sexuality. The porn industry could never exist if we embraced the fact that we, as animals, enjoy sexual pleasures and everything associated with it.
    Now imagine if instead of telling your gf that you're the only person she can see every night of the week, you give her a day or two to meet and go out with other men. I'm in no way advocating this idea, but it does have some credence. There is a basketball player named Andrei Kirelinko from Russia who's wife knew that he would lust over other women. Instead of trying to snuff out that desire and risk that side of him destroying their marriage, she decided to give him a one time a year allowance. She knew women would be throwing themselves at him, especially because he plays in the NBA. I haven't followed up on the story, but it is probably the case that they are still happily married, unlike another famous former couple we all know of. Cough*Tiger*Cough.

  9. My point is, when we try and suppress something, whatever it is, when that thing comes out, it is usually in violent form. Hence the porn industry, Tiger Woods fucking everything that can speak and has a vagina (bonus points if you're a pornstar), any child who has ever wanted to rebel against the iron law of parents, alcoholics, junkies... Even think about yourself. Is there anything that you can't control yourself from absolutely wanting? Have you ever tried stopping yourself from having whatever it is you want because of the negative effects it has on you? Now have you ever lost of your desire to control that insatiable want? It isn't pretty.

  10. @JerseyCampbell. You mention the women allowing her man, well what about the man allowing his women? The point with the basketball player is a bit far. I don't feel you can judge a relationship based on what you see. There are many relationships that we see daily at the park, mall, or casual outings. It may appear as if every relationship is fine because their smiling. However, that can be pure bs, I feel we shouldn't take any relationship and compare it to anyone else's. Cause you don't know the depth that the other person has to go through for theirs. Point is if you want a relationship and clearly its coming from us men then FUCKING CHANGE! other wise these women are gonna show you a new day!

  11. @Mel*Rose. You seem to have given up on men. My sister I would ask you to reconsider. Don't change in the hype because then you be dating till the age of seventy. I'm not saying put yourself out there to be hurt. I could help you but I don't know the specific types of men you are attracted to. In many cases women seek the same man they just had. Why? I don't know. So obviously your man would bring doubt, or certainty that he is cheating.
    So I ask of you to let me know what type of men are you attracted to?
    P.S. you add many tangents that can't be said with this blog. lol I'll blog about nympho's another day.

  12. @Mel*Rose. A small point about nympho's why would I wife a nympho? That wouldn't be ideal, and she clearly wouldn't be my type. Lol. new blog coming Named "Why Are We With Her"

  13. lol... i will reconsider when man can handle me both mentally and physically ;)

    as for the nympho... i'm saying what if you were already in love w/ her and she became one

  14. @mel*rose. Good reconsideration and if I was in love that would be a tough decision. Really love is strong and no matter what makes decision's likeleaving someone very difficult. However, her nymphoness can be satisfied with me we'd just do it a lot more. Unless she views herself with other than that different. I couldn't love someone like that. Regardless if I was attached.