Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Can a guy have female friends while in a relationship? by NYC Robert

This question dawned on me when I had asked a girl (I don't know her very well, but it seemed like we share common interest), "Would she like to get some lunch?" At the time, she knew enough about me to say that it wouldn’t be appropriate, solely because I am in a relationship. Though I had a feeling that would be her answer, I didn’t quite understand. She went on and on and simply concluded that it wouldn’t be right. Still, I didn’t understand. I then turned the scenario around, and asked her if she has male friends. Turns out, she does. I dug a bit deeper, "What's the difference between them and me?"After we discussed it for a while longer I realized she wasn’t saying much, just repeating herself. She also wasn’t stating much other then, "Because you're in a relationship."

However, my argument is that if I have no intentions to pursue her and she has no intentions to pursue me, what’s the big deal? Unless, however, she does have such intentions, which then would make her interested in me. (Why not just say that? It’s better than beating around the bush.)

I have concluded that it is the type of anxiety one feels towards another that will alter how they behave. For instance, a gentleman/lady is shopping. While out they are approached by a salesperson. Neither of them finds the the other interesting. After a few minutes this gentlemen/lady meet a different salesperson. This time, however, the person is interesting to them. Their behavior is now altered. They’re more concerned about appearance, physical features, what they’re saying, and maybe how to get in contact with this person in the future (call it what you want but we all do this sub-consciously). 

Voice your opinion! Let me know what you think. (Don’t you have common interests with your friends?)


  1. Yes a guy can have female friends in a relationship, but it comes down to the nature of the relationship. Does his girlfriend know his female friends? Does she know about the nature of their friendship or is this a hidden friendship? I think that the woman you mentioned was simply not trying to cross any boundaries. It sounds to me like because she doesn't know you very well she was unclear of your motives. There are many men that mess around while they are in relationships and some women don't want to get caught in that. And maybe that woman does have an interest in you (idk) and because she didn't want to be a homewrecker she was trying to create a safe distance so she wouldn't be tempted to take things further. But yes I believe both a male or female can have friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship. It comes down to respect. If you do have friends of the opposite sex your gf or bf should know about them and you should even be able to bring them around each other with no problem. And the nature of the relationship should be strictly platonic, if there is even a slight hint of flirtation I do not think it should continue out of respect for that particular relationship.

  2. First off, let me introduce myself. The name is Campbell. Jersey Campbell (disciples call me JC), and I've run out of fucks* to give.

    Why are we limiting this discussion to men having female friends while in a relationship? What about women having male friends while in a relationship?

    Regardless of sex, both parties should know the friends their partner associates with. Not only know them, but be casual acquaintances as well. You should be able to go out (one-on-one or with a group) with your partner's friends with or without the partner present. Boo-hoo, waa-waa, I might catch feelings boo-hoo, waa-waa. So what? As a friend, and as a person in a relationship, you know the boundaries you can't cross. If you aren't confident in the strength of your relationship with this person then obviously shit** ain't gonna work out. Move on, he/she doesn't want you like that.

    Also, nothing wrong with a little flirting, so long as it doesn't lead to anything more than playful banter its cool. I flirt with girls and guys all the time, I'm not taking any of them home to show 'em what it is.

    *pardon my language
    **pardon my language... again