No joke, we’ve got a presidential election coming up in less
than six months. Are you hype? I’m hype! Can’t wait to NOT vote that day. It’s
gonna be so much fun.
To prep the American public for this election, I, the one
and only Jersey Campbell, have drafted a 2012 Presidential Candidate Tale of
the Tape. Only Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are analyzed here because frankly,
none of the other candidates matter. If you know who they are or caught a
glimpse of them on any major news network it was a mistake. You will probably
be labeled as a terror threat, hunted down, and killed. We will call it an
accident, or suicide. There have been cases where people shoot themselves with
sniper rifles from three miles away. This is America, we don’t business with
alternatives.
In celebration of methods used by the news media to cover the all-important election, we will be measuring these two upstanding men according to factors that really have no bearing on how “right” they are for the American people. Basically, we’ll be ignoring the real shit. Let’s proceed.
In celebration of methods used by the news media to cover the all-important election, we will be measuring these two upstanding men according to factors that really have no bearing on how “right” they are for the American people. Basically, we’ll be ignoring the real shit. Let’s proceed.
