A peek inside the soul of a soulless man Pt I, by Jersey Campbell

I look around me and everyone is having a grand old time. $8 pitchers, $1 draft beer, how could you not enjoy yourself in a place like this? And even though I have more than enough drinks in me, I still feel over consciousness of where I am and what I'm doing. I analyze every subtle movement my body makes. The timing of my steps, the level of my eyes, the amount of grin I put into my mouth.

Over the years I find myself becoming more and more of an observer. Rather than actively participate in conversation, I'll slyly sit in the depths of the background and soak in what everyone is saying. After awhile, you see patterns and modes of behavior that become common place and are taken for granted. Why can't I just enjoy the environment without having to constantly think about it? What prevents me from throwing myself at a situation without any socially paralyzing inhibitions or overriding thoughts?