Some crazy shit has gone down in the XXX League sending
vitriolic reverberations and reactions around its umbrella association, the
Professional Ladies of the Night League (PLNL). The crazy shit I’m referring to
is the signing of a male ho from Long Island, New York named Jonnie Gee to the Newark Tricks
and Hoes. Newarks’s (which uses the name “Newark” because it sounds
like “New York”) new team owner/pimp Gangsta n shit has shocked the world of professional prostitution with his first roster move. It is a signing totally unprecedented.
The rulebook does not explicitly state that a man cannot compete in the PLNL,
but most of the hoes will tell you it was carved in stone in the unwritten rulebook.
Jonnie Gee will be a
member of the practice squad, training with the team and possibly getting a
couple starts on the XXX League tour.
Rather than go through the details myself, I’ve written down
a few of the noteworthy comments from players/hoes, coaches, and
executives/pimps.
Gangsta n shit: recently acquired majority ownership of the
Tricks and Hoes.
“I’m a businessman playboy. Niggas don’t think I be on it n
shit. Feel me? Ain’t nuttin but a business decision n shit. Plus it’s my
homeboy and nigga need some cash, owned this nigga from back in the day n shit.
“Think about it though son, think how many bitches out there
that want some [male sexual affection]. Now the Tricks and Hoes is gonna take
over the heterosexual female market n shit. Ain’t nobody holding that shit down
right now but us. Niggas don’t be thinking like that n shit. Taking over this
motherfucker son.”
Betty: member of the Tricks and Hoes starting three. 2x XXX all-star.
“I don’t really know this fella [Gangsta n shit] like that
but he must have some steel boot immune balls to disrespect us like that.”
G-string Geena: a Puerto Rican legend who performed for the
Puerto Rican Putas, now coaches the New York Knicker-knockers
“Is a woman ever going to start for an NFL team? No papi.
Men should not be allowed to compete here. We should not change the rules and a
century’s worth of history. Man is not ho. Woman is ho. If they want to
prostitute, they need to start their own league!”
The Fantastic Mr. Cox:
owner of the San Francisco Golden Girls
“Gangsta n shit is a homo… and shit.”
Gangsta n shit (in respone to Fantastic Mr. Cox’s comments):
“He mad he ain’t think of it first. Niggas is just hatin’ n
shit.”
A Pimp Named
Slickback: owner of the Playboy Club
champions Chicago Blow. Playboy Club 2011 Pimp of the Year.
“We mustn’t fuck
with the integrity of the league and the hoes who perform for the fans. I am
afraid that this move may open the floodgates… next thing you know, we gonna be
pimpin’ more niggas then bitches! We can’t have that.”
Fiona Ginger: member of the Toronto Babbazz starting three. Playboy Club 2011 Comeback Ho of the Year.
“The hell they think this is? This league was created for
all the women out there who could do no better than being a pretty ho who is
amazing at blow jobs. Allowing a dude to compete ain’t right on so many
levels.”
Russell Canyon: coach of the Phoenix Buns
“The reaction of the establish bitches of the PLNL is not
surprising. But I think we’re ignoring what this could mean for revenue. If
this does become a trend, which I doubt, an entirely new demographic will be
interested in our product. Isn’t that good for the league?”
Bakeeni: member of the Miami Beach Babes, in response
to Russell Canyon’s comments.
“Russell Canyon is one of them no good niggas. You know why
he a coach and not a pimp? Cuz nobody respect his insignificant ass. This move
ain’t good for nobody but our pimps and male prostitutes.”
Betsy Booty: member of the Atlanta Cougars
“It don’t mean much to me. I know I got talent. I can make
my booty clap. Hoes is tight cuz they feel threatened right now. As long as I
do what I do I’ll be alright.”
Slick Willie: owner of the New Orleans Lady Marmalades
“It makes sense for a team that desperately needs some
publicity. As far as what it means for the future of the league? I don’t think there
are enough men talented enough to compete with the bitches in the PLNL.”
Trixie: member of the Houston Cowgirls
“First, I’d like to dismiss the rumors floating around about
me being a man. Does this rack look like it could belong to a man? I’ve had a
vagina my whole life and I’ve loved it. People need to stop spreading false rumors about me... Oh, this is about that signing right? I
think we should let men compete with us. It opens up so many more sexual
possibilities. Plus, do we want to look like discriminatory sexists who refuse
to give the opposite sex an equal chance? Men deserve a chance. I like the
signing. Equal opportunity.”
Gangsta n shit:
“Niggas ask me all the time, ‘Do you know what you just
did?’ Yes nigga, I know. I just acquired an asset that is gonna get this squad
to the Playboy Club n shit. League history and all that shit is important and
all, but I’m tryna get that paper n shit, nah mean? One of my other niggas said
he tryna be down too. Might just sign that nigga n shit.”
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