Not the words that are said,
but the words that are not said,
or the ones I cannot say,
but have tried many times,
and at times have come close to saying,
to the point where she knows the words that I am not saying
and knows what these words would mean and do mean.
Hopeless conversations of catching up
and "just calling to let you know I was thinking about you",
but not in that way,
not in the way that I want,
but in the way that she wants,
that comfort of knowing
that I am still there.
I cannot ask when I will see her,
but certainly want to see her,
even knowing she will still not want those things that I want,
and still I will want those things,
even after she makes clear she does not,
and then she will call wanting to visit with me,
or to say that she is thinking of me.