Tuesday, November 1, 2011

"Why always me?" A man confronts his greatness by Jersey Campbell

            Mario Balotelli is more than a man. In fact, if we were to call him a man there would be only one man- Balotelli- worthy of being a man. We mustn’t hold men to unattainable standards. For if the one man all men compared themselves to was Mario Balotelli, no man would ever be manly enough. 

Mario Balotelli transcends any definition these insignificant fingers can type up. How do you define a person so magnificent, so daft, so cool, so nonchalant in goal scoring situations? They call him an enigma, they call him loony, they have even called him a lost cause. They say the man behind the 45 is unpredictable. Well duh, he doesn’t operate on the same astral plane as we mere mortals. His brilliance transcends the 11-man sculpture seen on the football pitch.

  It is about his compassion. One day after training, Balotelli saw a young lad waiting for an autograph. He asked the youngster why he was standing outside the training facility and not in class, as he should be. Turns out, the young lad was avoiding school because there was a bully who took to tormenting him. Balotelli, being the great individual that he is, took the young lad and his mum over to the school in his Maserati, and demanded that the headmaster meet him so that he could be aware of the issue. How many other athletes would go out of their way to ensure that a bright young mind could be educated free from the fear of bullies? Not to mention, the young fan was escorted to school by a world-class footballer in his luxury car, a story his grand-kids will surely disbelieve.

It is about his love for the people. On the day of City’s 6-1 win at Old Trafford, Balotelli was seen strolling through Manchester city centre in his Bentley convertible with the speakers on full blast, hi-fiving any City fan who spotted the faux-hawked Messiah. 

It is about his genuine curiosity and lack of care. Balotelli crashed his Audi A8 near City’s training ground early in his Premier League career. When police came onto the scene, they found 5,000 pounds in his back pocket. When asked why he was carrying so much money, Balotelli replied with all seriousness, “Because I am rich.” There was also an incident where Balotelli and his younger brother were arrested for snooping around the grounds of a women’s prison in Brescia, Italy. It is reported that he told police that curiosity got the better of him and he just “fancied having a look.” On the eve of the 6-1 massacre at Old Trafford (where he scored two goals) Balotelli’s apartment caught on fire after he and a couple friends decided it was a good idea to set off fireworks through his bathroom window.
Balotelli's goal celebrations often feature shunning teammates and staring into the crowd as if looking for revenge. 

It is about his generosity. One night when Balotelli won 25,000 pounds in a casino, he gave 1,000 of those not-so-hard earned pounds to a tramp (“homeless person” in American) outside of the gambling establishment. He is often seen helping out the homeless of Manchester by handing them cash to help them get back on their feet and into Ethiad Stadium. Just another day in the life eh, Mario?

There is no need to try and understand the motives behind Mario Balotelli’s seemingly incomprehensible actions. We will never understand the man behind the number 45. “Why always me?” is more than just a declaration of his unmatchable wisdom on the pitch. It is a man trying to connect with the creator. A man trying to discover why God selected this young Italian striker and made him The Chosen One. Mario Balotelli isn’t merely a man, he is an extraterrestrial being whose only legitimate comparisons are a man who was born in a manger from a virgin and a certain someone who performs miracles on the American football field named Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr.


  1. I may be in love.


  2. definitely in love