**Vicarious World's Best of the Month**: the May edition

Excuse us for being a little late this time around, our editor-in-chief was on his period, he can't operate when the blood is flowing through his vagina. Regardless, we've had the usual going on around here this past month, NYC Rob doing the damn thing, and likewise for KV Sart. Jersey Campbell has taken a leave of absence to scout the PLNL franchises for our upcoming season preview, it looks like he never wants to return. Sucks because the season started a month ago. He's about to get fired. Forget about him (and all the fellatio he's probably getting right now), let's focus on the dandies we've piled up in the month of May.

Jersey Campbell's Video of the Day: athletic competition should never lead to this

If you haven't heard already, there was a riot at an Egyptian Premier League football match on Wednesday, February 1st that reportedly left at least 70 people dead and a thousand more injured. As of now I haven't uncovered why fans of the home side, Al-Masry stormed the field with stones, bottles, fireworks and the like after Masry won the match against the best team in Egypt, Al-Ahly, 3-1. After the match was over, fans of the home side stormed the field and chased players and fans of Al-Ahly, you can see the scene on the footage I've posted from YouTube above. The staff and players of the opposing side had to flee the field once the riot began, and an Al-Ahly manager had to be rescued while being beaten by home fans.

Whatever reason the fans have for such a display is really no reason at all.  Certain news outlets have hinted that the riot could be linked to recent political unrest, but it looks like no one knows for sure.

I encourage you to search for more videos and articles covering this unfortunate incident as they may be able to tell the story better then me.

Vicarious World's Premier League All Name Squad by Jersey Campbell

I am what most people would call a football fanatic. No, not stop-start-stop-stop-stop-commercial-kickoff-commercial-start-stop-punt football. We're talking about real football here. The one where your foot is the medium by which the footballer expresses his/herself. The beautiful game that flows like a stream in the forest. The game of unparalleled fan passion and Wayne Rooney hair transplants. The game of individual moments of artistic brilliance and collective efforts only possible through telepathic means. 

Today I bring to you my all-name squad. Using only objective analysis, I have created a foolproof formula that will spit out the most majestic monikers the EPL has to offer. In the case of two or more names being equally awesome, the tiebreaker will be form and ability. On to the selections. (Clubs in parenthesis)

Jersey Campbell's video of the day: its a celebration bitches

 

While all you Americans are watching stop and start "football" (seriously, why is it called football?) there are billions- AND BILLIONS!!- of real football fans enjoying the beautiful game in all its glory.

Today I present to you just one of the many reasons why football is better than American football. Ever since the NFL banned props and choreography in TD celebrations (it's about the Shield, not you brand-less wide receivers clamoring for attention), America's major sports have lacked any creative showboating that kids can mimic after Moss'ing a defender in the end zone. I'm not the only one with a case of nostalgia for the days when Ocho Cinco would mock the NFL by pleading not to be fined. Or when Joe Horn calls his mother to thank her for all she's done after digging out a flip cell phone from under the goalposts. Or when T.O. grabs a couple of pom poms and breaks it down in the end zone. At least we have Aaron Hernandez making it rain on 'em defenses every week as our severly watered down TD entertainment.

"Why always me?" A man confronts his greatness by Jersey Campbell

            Mario Balotelli is more than a man. In fact, if we were to call him a man there would be only one man- Balotelli- worthy of being a man. We mustn’t hold men to unattainable standards. For if the one man all men compared themselves to was Mario Balotelli, no man would ever be manly enough.