Sunday, September 25, 2011

NYC Robert: How to Avoid "The Friend Zone"

The Friend Zone isn't a place you want to be if you're trying to pursue someone because your chances with them may be over.

Have you ever liked someone, but as you got to know them better you felt they'd be a better friend then significant other? By you having those feeling you just placed that person in the Friend Zone. My next question is have you ever been placed in the Friend Zone by someone you liked? If you have, don't be ashamed it happens all the time. Also, keep in mind you may have done it to someone yourself. The real reason for this post is to avoid the Friend Zone. So..if you have ever been placed in the Friend Zone, and don't want that to happen again keep reading.

You meet someone who you're interested in and they seem interested in you too. The key now is to not give your life story away; leave a mystery about yourself. Many times people go on date dates and just give their entire life story away; and the problem with that is now the person can make a few decisions right off the bat. These can include them wanting to discover more about you; or not wanting to discover more because you gave enough, and they aren't really interested in finding out more. Or, they think you gave up a lot; and through those details you came across as more a friend then significant other. The reason you want to hold back, and not give away so much is because if the person is interested they will want to find out more.

How do you know someone has just Friend Zoned you? Well the easiest way is a clear statement “I think your a very cool person, and possibly a potential friend.” Another statement could be“I like hanging with you.” Sometimes it's not that obvious. In most cases the more interested person can get confused as to why they're only a friend to the other person. For instance, the non-interested person could bring up meeting again, but they may have come off eager. However, they weren't thinking of it to that depth.

How to not get place in the Friend Zone? It's not really a simple thing; however can be done if you approach your situation accordingly. If you feel that you're highly interested in that person take one step back, and contain yourself. A way you can do that is by thinking that this new person is no different then your last significant other. With that thought in mind you should be able to approach the date date with ease (If you just read that and said "I hate my X "don't be alarmed; many people date similar people over and over. So, although it's a new person there may be many similarities with that person and your X). A different way could be if you haven't been on date date in a while and you can't remember your last relationship very well. Then think of the date date as going out with a friend. Those two things should calm your eagerness a bit, and will not make you come off over excited.

It's very easy to not get placed in the friend zone; just relax yourself, and have a conversation with the person. Also bear in mind that it's just another person you're talking to. Give them somethings, but not everything. At the most keeping a consistent conversation will do that. Jumping from conversation to conversation can lead to a date date turning into a date at the interrogation room. So don't do that, and honestly, that could be ten different date dates right there. So it's very important you think of a few things to talk about; at least, two or three, but this doesn't include a couple general questions (keep that to a minimum too). Like "what do you like?" and stuff like that. However, that could lead to great conversations; you should have something planned.

We've have now cleared up how not to get placed in the Friend Zone. Is this 100% going to work? No. You must also keep in mind you may not be that person's type. However, if you make it clear that your interested in the person by letting them know your interested prior to your first date date. This method/tactic will work if they're interested in you too.


  1. Basically you have to leave yourself in a cloud of mystery after the first date, is that what you're saying? Jeez Rob the state of dating is sad. Your posts reveal the lies and ambiguities that lead to unhealthy relationships.

  2. @Jersey Campbell. It seems a bit counter-intuitive, but if you look at it from the right perspective, not really. After a first date you could just ask the person, which really wouldn't make it a cloud because both parties may be in the same boat, but that may make you look desperate. So there really isn’t much harm in chilling out.
    I never said to lie to anyone. If you want to lie, then do you. I can't stop you. All I'm saying is that there is no reason to bring up things that are irrelevant, or that you shouldn't tell anyone, especially on the first date. We all have sides to us that no one would like, nor feel comfortable with knowing on a first date.
    If it seems like I’m saying you should hide your personality, I’m not, be yourself of course. Don’t pretend to be someone else. You can’t force anyone to like by hiding yourself. In the end you will reveal your true identity.
    Also the Friend Zone is usually determined at the beginning of a relationship. It won’t take long before you discover where you want to place that person.